The ending of a relationship feels like a tragedy.  When you deeply love someone, you spend a lot of time doing things for them, thinking about them, and sharing with them.  If things end up going sideways and you can’t stay together, it may feel like your life is falling apart.  Happily, there is much advice available on how to mend a broken heart!  You’re not alone, and you won’t have to suffer forever.

When you find yourself with a broken heart, the most important thing is to allow yourself to grieve.  The end of a relationship is a loss, just like a death or a move to a new location.  A lot of folks attempt to avoid the pain by using distractions.  That’s a natural reaction, and even a lifesaving one sometimes.  While some distraction is necessary, it’s really crucial that you don’t ignore what is going on in your love life.

What does that mean?  How do you pay attention to feelings that hurt so much? Well, for one thing, don’t hold back the tears.  Crying, laughing, riding the rollercoaster of anger, hurt, fear and sorrow are all part of being in love and losing love.  Don’t worry about looking like an idiot – your real friends will stick by you and hold your hand.  Don’t worry about being a “basket-case” – you have every right to be moody at this stage in the game.

There are several stages to grief.  They include shock and denial, guilt and anger, bargaining, depression, reconstruction and acceptance.  It’s completely normal to feel these emotions one at a time, or as a mixture.  When you observe yourself falling into one of these strong sensations, make sure you identify it and give yourself compassion.  One suggestion is to use these words: “Of course.”

“Of course I’m feeling angry – my partner said they’d stay with me forever.”

“Of course I’m depressed – I just spent how many years with this person and now it’s over.”

“Of course I’m a bit relieved – now I don’t have to worry about their negativity anymore.”

When dealing with your big emotions, using the phrase “of course” will help to increase your self-empathy, rather than allowing you to beat yourself up.  There’s nothing worse than piling a whole lot of judgment on top of a set of negative feelings; it can cause even deeper depression and worsen the situation.

Going through the feelings while having compassion for yourself, will help to mend your broken heart.  Once you process the pain, you’ll begin to feel lighter and more able to function.  You’ll start to see a future ahead of you, instead of a void.  Your life is totally worth living, whether you’re on your own or partnered up!

The more support you can find during your post-breakup period, the smoother the process will be.  It’s beneficial to your emotional health to find a few close friends who will listen as you talk about what’s going on, give you a hug when needed, and generally have your back during this time of stress.   Avoid people who put extra pressure on you, like overly questioning parents or critical peers.

It’s never easy to figure out how to mend a broken heart.  The main thing is to give yourself as much time as you need.  Focus on yourself and your sorrow, but remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  As the months go by, you’ll begin to realize how much you’ve learned from this ordeal, and you’ll find out your better and stronger because of it.

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